CSL Register

Go Back   CSL Register > General > Jokes & Idjuts Area

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 20-07-2010, 11:55 AM   #1
DuncanR
CSL Register Uber-poster!
 
DuncanR's Avatar
 

Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Olney, Bucks
Posts: 3,735
Casino cash: $9984
DuncanR is on a distinguished road
Send a message via Skype™ to DuncanR
Default A few one liners

A Spot of British Humor ... I love the German POW one !

As reported in the newspaper...

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."

(The Daily Telegraph)

_____

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

(The Guardian)

_____


At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

(Aberdeen Evening Express)

_____


Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.'"

(Bournemouth Evening Echo)

____


A list of actual announcements that London Tube drivers have made to their

passengers...


"Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."
____


"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."
_____

"Let the passengers off the train FIRST!" (Pause.) "Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care -- I'm going home...."
_____


"We can't move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door."

_____

"Please move all baggage away from the doors." (Pause..) "Please move ALL belongings away from the doors." (Pause..) "This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!"
__________________
" I use Gleaming Kleen.... for that new car look "

I wish I had used - Race Data Systems - Motorsport Data Loggers forgive me Nathan !
DuncanR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20-07-2010, 08:41 PM   #2
Bounce
CSL Register Uber-poster!
 
Bounce's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Cornwall
Posts: 7,057
Casino cash: $35793
Bounce is on a distinguished road
Default

Bounce is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 24-07-2010, 10:03 PM   #3
phat///M3
S5, Sport Off, DSC M-track
 
phat///M3's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Marbella
Posts: 946
Casino cash: $4049
phat///M3 is on a distinguished road
Default

__________________
///M3 CB/BLK Alcantara ~ OEM BABY ~
H&R ¦ Brembo ¦ Eisenmann ¦ CSL Bootlid ¦ CSL Interior ¦ CSL Diffuser ¦ CSL Bumper ¦ CSL Wheels ¦ AC Schnitzer ¦ Rogue Engineering ¦ Recaro

phat///M3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT +1. The time now is 01:50 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.1
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
(c)www.wickedwifi.co.uk