Tesco's

[Mark CSL]

Yesterday I was at Tesco's buying a large bag of Purina dog
food for my Aunts Springer Spaniel and was in the checkout queue
when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So, since I have
little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I
was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't,
because I ended up in hospital last time, but that I'd lost 2 stones
before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my
orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally
complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled
with my story.)

Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an
Irish Setter's arse and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was
laughing so hard.

I'm now banned from the Tesco's.