Mark CSL
18-11-2010, 11:30 AM
Extracts from letters written to local councils:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
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3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
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4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
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5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
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6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
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7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
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8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
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9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
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10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
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11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
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12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
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13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
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14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
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15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
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16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
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17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
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18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
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19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
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20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
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21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
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22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
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23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
=
3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
=
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
=
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
=
6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
=
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
=
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
=
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
=
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
=
11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
=
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
=
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
=
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
=
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
=
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
=
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
=
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
=
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
=
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
=
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
=
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
=
23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more